Monday, March 21, 2011

Better Day.....windy day...winds of change?

Much better day today.  I know both Martha and Manuel are not hurting and both of their families are not waiting for the end of their loved one's life.  Windy day... packed a moving van...driving it up to Clifton tomorrow.  Mind boggling to think that we are actually moving.  I know many of you will not be surprised by this but I have decided that I have a great deal of stuff!! I will sort what I want when I am unpacking.  I would have liked to have done it while I as packing but time has gotten away from and all I know is that I need to move and then take my time putting away.  I will be leaving for the funeral services soon.

Sunday, March 20, 2011

First Day of Spring and an Anniversary

Today is usually a very happy day for me.  I love springtime! I love when seasons change! I love how Jehovah made the earth with the different seasons.  12 years ago we gained another reason to be happy on March 20th, our firstborn daughter, Megan, was married to our very favorite and only son-in-law Blaine. But today was an especially different day for us.  We woke up to a 4am phone call to tell us that our niece, Martha, who has been battling kidney cancer lost her fight.  She was a delight to all who knew her. We know that she will be remembered by God in the resurrection.  Then at 6:30pm we attended a memorial service for a 54 year old friend of ours who had just gone in for a gall bladder micro surgery and suffered a stroke that led to further complications.  Her husband greeted us with a warm hug and told us to love each other and be glad that we have each other. The services were very nice and personal, asking us to remember her, to remember her and how she loved clothes and shoes, and how she loved to teach people about God's promises.  There was standing room only in the audience and at the end we all joined in singing "See Yourself When All Is New" song #134 which was emotional.  I made my way to Robin who had given up his seat and had been standing in the back.  When I got to him, Robin said that his phone had been buzzing, so right on cue my phone started buzzing. It was from our daughter Sage who had been with my sick brother's family since last Thursday afternoon.  I answered it and asked if this was the call and she said yes, my brother Manuel had died.  He had died about 6:45pm.  He had been under Hospice care in his daughter's home.  His family was there...his children, and grandchildren. Sage said that towards the end when they knew that his end was near they had all gone into the bedroom and surrounded him.  I am so glad that he was not alone.  I know that on some level he knew that they were all there and that they loved him.  I will miss my favorite brother.  My heart is very sad right now knowing that I will not see him until the resurrection. I am proud of the way his family has handled his sickness.  On the plus side spring did not officially start until 7pm or so; so it still was "the winter of our lives" and it was a most awful end to a season that I have experienced   I will attend the services.  I will miss them both terribly.  I will take comfort from the Bible's hope of a resurrection to a peaceful world where both will be able to pursue their artistic interests.  Where no one will get sick and die.  Spring will mean a new start for me, in a new town.  The seasons are changing.

Wednesday, March 16, 2011

Spring is Coming!

Spring is almost here.  You can feel it in the warm weather that hints at the heat to come.  You can see it in the sudden burst of new leaves on the poplar and cottonwood trees.  But the bleakness of the cold winter still meets your gaze.  The trees that still stand in a state of limbo ..are they dormant or are they dead from the cold.  Will life "find a way?" It is almost impossible to tell.  Patience is what is required of us.  Many have given in to their impatience and have hired the gardener who cuts down the beautiful tree that has not yet shown signs of life but it might have had the owners just given it more time.  More time for the warm weather to do its magic.  More time for the little leaves that lay beneath the branch surfaces to burst forth and flutter in the breeze.  More time to stand with their dried leaves and show that there truly is no life in them...the cold did indeed kill them.  I have a brother and a niece who will probably not be greeting the spring.  I would have said that they were fighting for their life right now but I really don't know if they are. My niece is dying from kidney cancer.  She is 59 or 60 and had one child, a son, who is not in contact with her.  She is my sister's firstborn.  My sister has been her daughter's main caregiver.  The pain had gotten so bad that she had screamed at her mother not to touch her.  Today she is laying in a bed in a hospice facility.  She has had enough drugs to make her painfree and to allow her to sleep.  She may never wake again but she also may never scream out in pain again.  She is resting and may just give in to the slide into non-existence.  It would be a lie to say that she is fighting for her life.

My brother, Manuel is dying from liver failure.  He has a leak and is bleeding out into his abdominal cavity.  He is at his daughter's home where he is cared for by his daughter and ex-wife.  The love that he is being shown and treated with is truly heartwarming.  He is in a coma-like state.

Life is strange..just when I will be welcoming spring back I will be feeling the heartache of losing a loved one I will miss these two tremendously.  Life goes on and we know that it is just a matter of time before we will see them again and they will be able to enjoy the earth as it was meant to peace and harmony and with loved ones.  I look forward to that time.  I know that my Mom and Dad will be sad to learn that their boy did not live long after their deaths.  They would have been there with him.  Holding his hand, stroking his forehead and telling him to   be strong and that they loved him no matter what poor choices he had made in his lifetime. But he has had only his daughters, son, grandchildren and sibs to  love him through this. His kids have done an awesome job of caring for him and respecting his wishes.  I am sure that he feels the love that they have for him.

I have started moving.  Robin and some dear friends took a load of boxes and patio furniture up yesterday.  We now have the keys and two of the utilities are turned on.  We also have a nice new post office box because there is no door-to-door mail service.  UPS does come to our front door!!

I will wait patiently for spring to arrive and then I will clean off the dead stuff from my plants.

love and hugs to all of you who read this!